Self-help | rob-thompson.com

How to Stop Being a Workaholic

This is a guest post from the Zen Habits network of blogs. Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

Reader Carolyn recently asked, “How can an achievement-motivated workaholic learn to back off, relax, de-stress, and feel good about doing it? I am too driven!”

This is a common problem, and one that has several parts we should look at separately:

Being achievement-motivated.
Being a workaholic.
Learning to relax and de-stress.
Learning to feel good about it.

Let’s start by saying that there’s nothing inherently wrong with work — it can be fun, exciting, fulfilling, rewarding. I love my work in a way I never did for most of my life, until a few years ago, and work is one thing I live for, that I jump out of bed each morning to do.

However, the reader recognizes that there’s more to life than work, and that relaxing is important, and that stress is a major problem. When work takes over your life and causes problems — with your relationships, health, happiness — then it’s time to step back and figure out a better way.

Each person needs to figure out what that better way is, and I can’t offer one solution to fit all, but here are some thoughts on the four parts of the problem outlined above.

1. Stop being achievement-motivated.

There’s nothing wrong with achievements or being proud of them — it’s a natural thing to feel good about what you’ve accomplished. But it shouldn’t be the only thing that motivates you.

What’s a better motivation? Doing things you love, creating something great, being with people you love, doing things that are exciting.

If your work is something you love, something that excites you, that’s great. You’re better off than most, actually. But there’s gotta be more — what else gives you joy? Do you have hobbies you love? Do you like doing anything outdoors? Do you have family members or friends you love?

Figure out 4-5 things that truly make you happy and excite you — at least one of them should be a person or persons, and one of the others must be non-work-related. You need some balance in your life.

Get excited about these things, and be motivated by your love for them. If you have a spouse and kids, for example, let your life be motivated with the thought of spending time with them.

2. Stop being a workaholic.

What’s a workaholic? Someone who overdoes work — long hours, can’t stop working even at night, obsessed with work, to the detriment of other parts of his life.

If this is you, you might need help — beyond the help I can give you in an article. You might need to reach out to family members, to a therapist, to a group (online or off). There’s no shame in this — sometimes this is what’s needed to conquer an addiction.

But if you aren’t so far gone, you might be able to implement a few steps to stop from working so much.

First, stop working after a certain time — say 5 or 6 p.m. Make this a hard line: tell your office not to call you after this time, and don’t take your work home. Once the clock hits this time, you’re done for the day. The rest can wait until tomorrow.

Second, don’t check email or do other work-related communication after this point. Turn off the Blackberry or iPhone, even turn off the computer at home, and do something else. Also don’t take your mobile devices to non-work events such as vacations, your kids’ activities, family parties and so forth.

Third, schedule other things into your life. Exercise with a friend after work. Make dates with your partner. Take your kid to soccer practice. Set aside time for a beloved hobby. These things will stop you from working.

This should be good to start you out. The other steps are below, but for now, focus on these three things and be firm about them with yourself. No exceptions!

3. Learn to relax and de-stress.

This should be the easiest step (it’s fun, after all) but for many people it isn’t. There are many ways to relax and de-stress, but we’ll just touch on a couple of points.

First, take it in small steps. If you have a hard time relaxing, you don’t need to take a whole week or a month to do it at first (later, you might want to try this). For now, just try it in 10- or 15-minute increments. You’ll get used to it, and be able to do it for much longer.

Second, schedule a physical activity just about every day. This could be walking or running or cycling or swimming or playing basketball or soccer or whatever. As long as you’re doing something, preferably outdoors if weather permits. Again, just start out with 10 or 15 minutes a day. It might take some experimenting to find an activity you enjoy, so feel free to try out different things.

Third, schedule some solitude. This could be 10 minutes of reading alone, or walking quietly, or relaxing with a hot bath, or meditating. You should do it in silence, alone, with no distractions. A peaceful setting is best, without clutter or people knocking on your door. Ask your co-workers (if it’s at work) or family members (if at home) to please help you out and respect this time of solitude. Slowly stretch it from 10 minutes to 15, 20, 30 and so on until you have 45-60 minutes a day.

4. Learn to feel good about it.

This step is hard to comprehend for those who love relaxing, but for those who have a workaholic mindset, feeling good about relaxing can be tough. This takes a change in mindset.

We have to stop thinking that hard work is the only virtuous way. Sure, hard work is good, but so is being lazy, so is relaxing. We need to give ourselves permission to do this, and to feel good about it.

Relaxing and being lazy are necessary to good health and happiness. Our bodies and minds need to recuperate each day and week, and if we don’t have this downtime eventually something will go wrong: we’ll burn out, ruin our relationships, have deteriorating health. So think of it as a necessity, and a good thing.

Do things that are pleasurable. Forget about all the things you have to do and really be in the moment as you do them. Focus on how enjoyable the activity is, and how great you feel. Breathe deeply and feel the tension leaving you.

Give yourself time. It takes time to learn to enjoy relaxing. You’ll adjust, slowly, gradually. But you need to do it, in small steps, and block out negative thoughts and thoughts of work. Let those thoughts go, and focus on what you’re doing now.

This transformation won’t happen overnight, but it can happen. And it’ll be great.

—

A note to my readers who are interested in decluttering their lives:

The fantastic Erin Doland of Unclutterer.com (a must-read blog) has just published a book that I love and think you’ll all enjoy very much: Unclutter Your Life in One Week .

Erin really knows her stuff, and this book will help you to:

Unclutter your closet
Learn how to part with sentimental clutter (often the hardest type to get rid of)
Get ready for the onslaught of holiday guests with tips on how to prepare for guests
Organize your home
Organize your office
Build an effective and personalized filing system
Get rid of mental distractions

This post was originally published here: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/zenhabits/~3/0fqvLGvkczU/. The Zen Habits network of blogs are uncopyrighted, which means that all claims on copyright have been released and the content has been put into the public domain. Subscribe to original blog feed.

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43 Self-Help Gurus to follow on Twitter

Can a 140-character tweet possibly be the wakeup call you need to start living your dreams? There’s only one way to find out — and following the leaders on this list is a great place to start. Who else is inspiring you on Twitter? Let me know in the comments.

Tony Robbins has been active for over 30 years and became well known through his infomercials and bestselling self-help books. Robbins writes about subjects such as health and energy, overcoming fears, persuasive communication, and enhancing relationships.
Jack Canfield is an American motivational speaker and author. He is best known as the co-creator of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series with his writing partner, Mark Victor Hansen.For over 30 years, author and speaker Mark Victor Hansen has spread the message of opportunity and action, dubbing himself “America’s Ambassador of Possibility.”
Indian physician and author Deepak Chopra has written extensively on spirituality and is a champion in mind-body medicine. As a TV personality and household name, Chopra has influenced the New Thought Movement in the United States.
Who hasn’t heard of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? First published in 1989, it is still a bestselling book. In it Stephen Covey promotes what he calls “The Character Ethic” or aligning one’s values with “universal and timeless” principles. At age 76, Covey is staying relevant by moving his message to the digital platform.
For over 50 years Zig Ziglar applied his “performance enhancement” principles to help Fortune 500 companies, government agencies, small businesses, schools and non-profits. These days Zig has passed the baton to his son Tom who is bringing the same personal development techniques to the digital age.
Paulo Coelho is a Brazilian lyricist and novelist. He is the author of the bestselling novel, The Alchemist, which has become one of the top selling books in history, holding the Guinness World Record for most translated book by a living author.
As a child Les Brown was declared “mentally retarded” and suffered many setbacks and failures in school. Now a renowned professional speaker, author and TV personality, Les Brown’s own rags to riches story fuels his inspiring “live up to greatness” message to people of all ages.
Marci Shimoff is the woman’s face of the biggest self-help book phenomenon in history, Chicken Soup for the Soul. One of the bestselling female nonfiction authors of all time, Marci’s a featured teacher in the international film and book phenomenon, The Secret.
As the so called “Pitbull of Personal Development”, Larry Winget has evangelized his in-your-face approach to self help as a financial guru and author of books like his bestselling Shut Up, Stop Whining, & Get A Life: A Kick-Butt Approach to a Better Life.
Inspired by the nomadic Bedouins of the Sinai Desert after meeting them as a young member of Israel’s navy, Yossi Ghinsberg has since traversed the globe absorbing the spiritual lessons of the world’s indigenous populations. Ghinsberg has used this humanitarian approach to organize symposiums and publish works around issues like biodiversity, treating opiate addiction, and conflict resolution
Susan Piver is a writer, teacher, and speaker on topics such as love, creativity, and spirituality. She is the New York Times bestselling author of The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say “I Do” and the award-winning How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life, in which she offers insight and information about conquering the fears that hold you back.
A high school dropout, Brian Tracy spent most of his early work years as a laborer around the world until he tried his hand at sales and became a VP at the age of 25. A board member of Washington DC public policy institute The Heritage Foundation, Tracy has authored several books, audio materials and even an online leadership course.
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer is a popular American self-help advocate, author and lecturer. His 1976 book Your Erroneous Zones is one of the bestselling books of all time and is said to have “[brought] humanist ideas to the masses.”
Dan Millman is the author of thirteen self-help books, the most famous of which is the semi-autobiographical novel, Way of the Peaceful Warrior. Due to the varied topics of his books, his work is difficult to label, but is generally connected to the human potential movement.
Byron Kathleen Mitchell is a speaker and author who teaches a method of self-inquiry known as “The Work of Byron Katie” or simply as “The Work.” She tweets a steady stream of inspirational messages.
Victoria Moran is the author of ten books, a motivational speaker specializing in inspiration, wellness, and personal growth, and a certified life coach specializing in spiritual- life coaching. She also writes the Charmed Life blog for Beliefnet.
Robin Sharma is an author of several internationally published books, and an expert on leadership and personality development.
Louise Hay has had an incredible life story, from surviving rape at age 5 to curing herself from cervical cancer as well as being an early champion of support groups for people living with HIV/AIDS. She is the founder of the Hay House publishing company, which publishes books by others on this list, including Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer.
As an entrepreneur, Jim Rohn became a millionaire by age 31 and over the past 40 years has shared his story with millions of people worldwide that seek the guidance of Rohn’s unique personal development philosophy. He’s helped launch the careers of other motivational speakers in this list, such as Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield.
Sonia Choquette is an internationally acclaimed spiritual teacher, intuitive guide and masterful catalyst whose special gift is to energetically activate the highest vibration and free the authentic spirit in everyone she meets. She releases people from the restriction and fear of the ego and guides them through the portals to joy, wholeness, and personal empowerment in every area of their life.
Debbie Ford is an author who writes books that take the reader on amazing journeys into the internal world, laying out the blueprint of the human psyche. Debbie’s books are used by universities, teachers, lawyers, mediators, and therapists around the world to support others in a true healing of the heart.
Considered a management expert, Ken Blanchard is the “Chief Spiritual Officer” of the international management training company he and his wife co-founded in 1979. Ken has also co-authored over 30 bestselling books on the subject of leadership.
Marianne Williamson is a spiritual activist, author, lecturer and founder of The Peace Alliance, a grass roots campaign supporting legislation currently before Congress to establish a United States Department of Peace. She is also the founder of Project Angel Food, a meals-on-wheels program that serves homebound people with AIDS in the Los Angeles area. She has published nine books, including four New York Times #1 bestsellers.
Annette Colby is the author of three personal development books: “Your Highest Potential,” “Body Redesign,” and “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life.” She tweets inspirational messages and about personal development.
Stephanie Gailing is the author of “Planetary Apothecary: An Astrological Approach to Health and Wellness.” She tweets about her book, astrology, and life.
David Allen is the author of “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” and “Making It All Work: Winning at the Game of Work and the Business of Life.” He tweets about productivity and personal development.
Kate Bornstein is the author of “Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks & Other Outlaws.” She tweets about her book and life.
Melinda Hutchings is the author of “Fighting for Life: Anorexia the Road to Recovery,” “How to Recover from Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders,” and the upcoming “Why Can’t I Look the Way I Want?” and “Why Won’t Anyone Listen?” Her work has also been featured in the anthologies “What is Mother Love?” and “Some Girls Do.” Her tweets often include inspiration quotes and information about writing and publishing.
Michelle Sedas is the author of “Welcome the Rain: Choosing to See Beyond Life’s Storms” and “The Power of 10%: How Small Changes Can Make a Big Difference.” She’s very engaged with her followers and tweets about daily life as an author.
Dr. Joe Vitale is the author of numerous books, including “The Attractor Factor: 5 Easy Steps for Creating Wealth (or Anything Else),” “The Key: The Missing Secret for Attracting Anything You Want,” and “Life’s Missing Instruction Manual: The Guidebook You Should Have Been Given at Birth.” He tweets about his books, writing, and life.
Susan Piver is the author of “How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life,” “The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say ‘I Do’,” “The Hard Questions for an Authentic Life: 100 Essential Questions for Designing Your Life from the Inside Out,” and “The Hard Questions for Adult Children and Their Aging Parents: Facing the Future Together with Courage and Compassion.” She tweets about personal development, Buddhism and life.
Steve Pavlina is the author of “Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth.” His tweets are primarily about personal development.
Suzy Welch is the author of the New York Times best-seller “10-10-10: 10 Minutes, 10 Months, 10 Years—A Life-Transforming Idea.” She writes an internationally syndicated weekly column with her husband, Jack Welch (@jack_welch), for BusinessWeek magazine, with whom she co-authored “Winning.” She tweets about her family and life as a writer.
Tina B. Tessina is the author of several self-help books primarily dealing with healthy relationships, including “Money, Sex and Kids,” “The Commuter Marriage,” and “How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free.” She’s really actively engaged with her followers and tweets about relationship topics.
Tony Robbins is the author of five books, including “Awaken the Giant Within: How to Take Immediate Control of Your Mental, Emotional, Physical and Financial Destiny,” “Unlimited Power: The New Science of Personal Achievement,” and “Notes from a Friend: A Quick and Simple Guide to Taking Control of Your Life.” His tweets are often inspirational and focus on personal development.
Leo Babauta is the author of “The Power of Less” and founder of the blog Zen Habits. He tweets about productivity, simplicity, and personal development.
@gtdguy _ Expert Time Manager.
@sorman – Financial expert and best selling author.
@lesbrown Motivational Speaker and best selling author.
@marwilliamson Best Selling authour of Return to Love.
@markvhanson – author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.
@AnnetteColby - inspirational healing author.
@louisehay – best selling author and founder of the Hay House.